Monday, August 21, 2006

It seems to me

That there is no sentence which can't be made to sound less pompous and much cooler by adding "and shit" on the end.

I rather hope I've caught the eye of Mr Swanage: the devilish cut of his dinner jacket and his cultured - though never humourless - airs have quite left me a quiver; however his family are mere tobacco merchants, and I fear my father would never permit me to marry a person of such reduced expectations: - unless it might be - how I wish it could be - that I can convince my mother that Mr Swanage is my one true, divinely inspired, love and shit.

I have read all the intelligence reports, and there is no doubt in my mind that Saddam Hussain has the ability to launch weapons of mass destruction in forty-five minutes and shit.

Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go where no man has gone before and shit.

4 Comments:

Blogger Marionette said...

It also works if you add the phrase "in my pants".

12:03 pm  
Blogger Harvey Jerkwater said...

Holy frijoles--you're right.

"Where I am, I don't know, I'll never know, in the silence you don't know, you must go on, I can't go on, I'll go on, and shit."

"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you and shit."


Another bit of goodness: any sentence can be made threatening by adding the word "bitch" at the end. Especially if the "bitch" is emphasized.

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth, bitch."

"Love is too young to know what conscience is, yet who knows not conscience is born of love, bitch?"

8:09 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth, bitch."

I'm getting that embroidered on a throw pillow!

8:20 pm  
Anonymous Dick said...

Brilliant! This is really going to catch on with those seeking the common touch. Roll on Christmas & the Queen's speech.

9:33 am  

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