So how does it feel being forty?

On a scale of one to ten (where 1 = the feeling you get as a fly skips onto your nose as you idly lounge by a tropical pool counting your multi-million pound inheritance, and 10 = watching a re-run of the 1992 election with a braying horde of ex-public school Tory-voting accountant rugby boys with halitosis and ringworm), it rates as an 8.3.

Which is roughly how it feels when an aggressive toddler smacks their play telephone into the bridge of your nose just as you drift into R.E.M. sleep.

This too will one day be yours. Unless you're older than me.

"Forty is the new thirty" gets 369 hits on google at the moment. It'll be 370 soon.