Friday, September 16, 2005

Birds of Spray

Birds of Prey #85

Your comprehensive monthly guide to all the flying blobs of blood, spittle and snot in the ongoing gorefest that is Birds of Prey. It's not a spoiler, honest.

Page 8/9

Top panel - Three sprays of blood and saliva in one panel. Result! Two teeth go flying
Bottom panel - One displaced tooth and a big splop of blood.

Page 14

First panel - One sploshed nose results in a blood cascade
Fourth panel - Canary takes one in the cheek, resulting in a forked horizontal splash
Fifth panel - Now the blood's drooling out of her mouth

Page 15

Third panel - Right hook from Wildcat results in blood gush from top and bottom of villainous mouth
Fourth panel - Canary spits blood and molar into her hand
Fifth panel - She's now got blood dribbling from the corner of her mouth

Page 18

Second Panel - Left foot kick to villainous face results in vertical blood spout

The clean-handed double nostril nose spurt:
only a Sensei master can be this profound

Third panel - Flat right handed punch results in dual blood spurt from both nostrils
Sixth panel - Close up of drooly blood splash
Seventh panel - One final nose dribble

Final score

Blood splurges - 14
Lost teeth - 4
Kicks in the nadgers - None, disappointingly

So, on our arbitrary scale (blood = 1 point, tooth = 3, nadgers = 10), this issue gets total aggro points of 26. Which is not much worse than the centre of Thetford on a Saturday night.

Moments of enlightenment

Road marks on a new reader's quest to understand this book. Please don't help me out here - it's much more fun working it out for myself.

Page 1

Dinah - her surname isn't "Crenshaw", it's "Sui Jerk Jai". Huh?

Page 2

Dinah has a load of dudes with her. One's Huntress. Another's Wildcat. Are the others Birds of Prey as well? Simone's decided not to tell us.

Page 4

Barbara's surname is Gordon! And there's her Dad. Isn't he the tashy cop in Batman? I feel like a light has gone on in my brain.

Page 5

The dudes have names, but sadly they don't mean anything to me. One of them is clearly Clint Barton.

So this is where Bendis stashed Hawkeye

Last page

Brainiac's virus is sorted and Barbara's moving her toes: she's going to walk again. She's doing a Xavier - that slaphead's been in and out of the wheelchair more times than the audience stooge at Dr Cagliastro's Mystery Healing Roadshow.


Blogger Faceless Henchwoman said...

That's not Hawkeye, though it's easy to see how one could make that mistake. He's Conner Hawke, Green Arrow's son.

9:07 pm  
Blogger Marionette said...

I've been meaning to get into Birds of Prey for ages but haven't had the time to get through all the backstory. Maybe I should just dive in.

I think it's kinda sad that the few times mainstream comics have included a disabled character they can't resist "normalising" them. Ditto anyone who differs from the standard muscle guy/supermodel physique.

1:03 am  
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